


The stars were all wrong

by Noah_Elton



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, Hopeful Ending, It's unintentional though, M/M, Misgendering, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:35:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28542654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noah_Elton/pseuds/Noah_Elton
Summary: Sometimes life gives you a secret. And sometimes you don't know what to do about it, because when not told it eats you up from the inside, but when told... Well.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 75





	The stars were all wrong

" _Estella!",_ professor Moody called, snapping his fingers in front of the students face.

Estella looked up, "Sorry, I didn't quite get that Professors", she confessed giving off her most charming characteristics grins.

The exhausted professor grunted, pushing his hair back and repeated, "Where are your papers on Control Monitoring using Algorithms, Ms Black?"

Estella inhaled deeply giving him a small smile before retreating a bunch of papers and handing them over to him.

  
____

Estella sat down in front of the mirror, tilting her head at odd angles and examining her face. Grazing her fingers through her jawline and her cheek, she jumped when Lily walked in. Quickly wiping off the dampness from her face, she started to roughly untangle the tangles out of her hair with her fingers.

"You seem a bit distracted lately", Lily mused, a hint of concern resonating her tone. Flopping down by the other's side, she proceeded to run her fingers through the raven hair.

" _Uh.._.Just a bit tired, I guess", Estella shrugged with a small voice, setting her hands on the mattress. Lily picked up a comb and softly brushed through her hair.

"Still having a problem with the stairs?", the red-head politely asked.

Estella nervously bit her lips and glanced into the mirror, briefly considering to come clean to her before completely changing the topic.

  
___

" _C'mon!_ Steadier on the broom!", James yelled from across the quidditch pitch, the pair flying in circles above the ground.

" _The Quaffle_!", the bespeckled boy snapped throwing the scarlet ball towards her. Estella squared her grip and seized the ball, before tossing it right back towards him, getting back into position.

" _Faster_! You won't even knock _Snivellous_ off with that pace", he yelled hurling a buldger towards her. 

Estella simultaneously dove down, getting hold of the ball with her dominant hand and propelling it back with much greater power, catching the other ball aimed directly at her, in time before it knocked her lights out.

"Hey! _Over here!"_ , James snapped, a black ball securely held beneath his arm. Estella looked up, towards the tallboy. 

"You need to _work_ on your precision if you don't want to knock one of your own teammates off!", he snapped before launching the ball back at her.

  
_____

Diving down on her broom, she landed firmly on her feet, James jumping off his, next to her.

"You need to make your back less stiff while diving down", he snapped at her, poking her in the spine, as she consecutively straightened her back, standing up in a more erect posture. 

She bit down a grunt knowing that it would do no good. James often got worked up during practice, except when Lily was around of course. Only then, he became a nightmare!

James signed, swiping the sweat off his face and ruffled his wild hair up, "C'mon, now"

Walking over to the seating area around the pitch, Estella propped down oh her elbows, facing up, stretching her still guarded knees out. James' flopped down next to her, humming and stretching his arms. 

He sat up straighter, proceeding to warp the cramped up muscles of her foot. She bit down a scowl of protest, her face twisting into a painful expression.

"Little more at the right", she said through gritted teeth, propping up a bit more and reaching out for the bottle of water, swallowing down the entirety of the bottle in a few large gulps.

"Easy their tiger!", James chuckled plucking the bottle away from Estella. She shoved back at James with a retaliating push. James was about to pin her down into a wrestle when a red-head rounded the corner of the pitch. Lily rolled her eyes at the pair and Remus walked in behind her. The scrawny lad absent-mindedly flipping through one of his books. 

A soft wind blew across the grounds, making the honey brown curls on his eyes flurry with the breeze.

"I still can't believe Professor paired me up with you", Lily huffed, readjusting the strap of her bag across her shoulders. 

"I bet dear Minnie is only trying to help with Prongs' misery", Estella mused, playfully nudging James a little more towards the redhead, to which James shot him a threatening glare and nervously looked back towards the redhead with a goofy grin stretched across his face.

"Oh, I bet Dumbledore's in it too", Remus chuckled looking from James to Sirius and nonchalantly crossing his arms across his chest, to which Lily simply rolled her eyes, though her cheeks visibly turned a darker shade of red.

"So, is after dinner alright with you?", she glanced up to meet the bespeckled man's eyes.

The tall lad looked up, his mind trying to form a single coherent word.

_Yeah, Sure, Alright, Okay!_

"Uh...din- _fah! I-"_

 _"Guh-_ so...",

"He'll be there in the common room by eight", Estella half heartedly interrupted, though wanting nothing more than to get back at him for her bruised shoulder from today's practice. 

"Eight it is Pottah! And _don't_ be late", she dryly exclaimed turning around and walking towards the exit. Remus chuckled and waved goodbye to the pair.

James groaned into his hands, and Estella waved back with a timid smile, clasping James on the back and giving him a pleased expression.

James scowled at her, "Don't give me that look Black! You're no better with _Mr Wolf McWolf_ than I am with..."

Estella raised her eyebrow and snorted, "Well, at least I manage to get comprehensible words out around him, you can't even say her name without making an absolute arse of yourself mate!"

"NOT! True!", James shoved her in the side.

"Yes! True-"

"Not!"

" _Yes!"_

_"Not!"_

"Yes"

"NOT"

"YES!"

"Yes!"

"Not!"

James jutted his chin out with pride, a smug grin across his face.

Scoffing, " _This_ ", Estella jabbed a finger into James' chest, "is not over Potter!"

" _Blimey, mate!_ Have you _ever_ even _looked_ at her! _Those eyes_! You've just got to admit it!", the taller lad exclaimed.

Estella rolled her eyes and James huffed a grin.

" _C'mon,_ mate", he hummed, playfully nudging Estella's shoulder, "Were buds! I don't mind you gaying up about Lily. You don't have to be all awkward and _'I only like men'_ about it", he teased.

Nervously, Estella looked away, praying that the topic will die down on its own.

Well, she was wrong because James noticed and wrapped an arm around her. "Is there something that's bothering you, Pads?"

She looked back at the tanned boy, clicking her tongue and giving him a casual shrug in response. But James didn't buy it. Carefully placing a palm on her foot that had been toying with the grass, he looked her in the eyes. "You can tell me", he shrugged in a small, yet sincere voice. 

Estella didn't know if she could. She had thought of scenario's like such often, through only this time _,_ it was all happening for real. 

"James.", she finally gasped, her voice barely above a whisper, mentally kicking herself for not being able to keep her voice steady.

"Pads, what is it?!", he inquired, his voice spiking with concern.

She looked up, expressions unreadable and slowly let out a long exhale.

_It's now or never._

"I'm gay", she confessed.

James looked up. Mouth gaping like a fish before he finally settled for a confused look, his eyebrows perked up and a small frown on his face. "I thought you liked men...", he said, only to realize how stupid it sounded.

"I _uh..._ "

James looked up, eyes locked with the grey ones. "Hey, It's alright if you don't want to talk about it. I'm just letting you know that it's completely cool with me! _You do whomever the fuck you wanna do_ ", James grinned, firmly patting her on the back.

"Besides Lily, of course.", he quickly added.

Estella took a deep breath and exhaled, huffing out a tiny laugh.

"I do", she said quietly.

James tilted his head, his eyebrows furrowed. "You... what?"

"I do like men", he said. But as soon as the words left, his face began to pale out.

_Shit! Shit! Shit!_

_What did I do? I shouldn't have..._

Tears starting to form in his eyes. In all these years, never did he ever think that he would ever tell anyone. He thought that it would just be a little something he could ignore. But after puberty hit, and his body started to change, and he started to be distinguished from his brother, forced to wear dresses, and threatened by his own family, he swore that he would take this secret to his grave. _But now..._

All those years he spent, trying to overcome his dysphoria, only made it worse. Someday's he couldn't even bear to look himself in the mirror, because this person he was looking at, it wasn't him. Because he didn't have such small hands or such wide hips. He just wasn't that person. He bore all this for what? So people didn't think he was a freak. So he didn't _lose another brother._ And...

" _But..._ you just said that you're- Oh."   
And everything started to make sense. One by one all pieces falling just in place. 

The uncomfortable look the shorter lad gave, whenever he was associated with women, the tiny scrunch of the nose, whenever he was called pretty. The time when James walked into the men's restroom to find said lad stunned into silence. 

James huffed, carefully placing his palm on the other lad's knee guards, constantly making sure if the other boy was comfortable with it. The timid boy still had fear in his eyes that only grew more evident at the lack of an answer.

Exhaling a long a slow breath James smiled, giving his knee a firm pat. "Well mate, have you thought of a name yet?"

The pale boy smiled. His heartbeat mellowed and tears formed in his eyes.  
  
With a tiny nod, and a grin more confident than James has ever seen, the shorter boy beamed. Jutting his chin out and squaring his chest, he said,

" _Sirius"_

  
_____

  
_Hi! Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you liked this._

_Comments are great! Do let me know if you want me to continue this, constructive criticism is always appreciated. Much love to you <3_

**Author's Note:**

> "Sirius. Siriusly mate!?", James huffed out a laugh.
> 
> "Ugh!! Obviously you'd choose a name that successfully manages to make a joke out of the most Sirius word in the dictionary!"
> 
> Also.
> 
> Fuck J K Rowling! Trans men are men and trans women are women. End of story.


End file.
